Friday, January 29, 2010
In 2005, I embarked upon a journey.
Newly separated from my husband, getting a divorce for the SECOND time, which in my family...
In my town...
Is a big No-No.
Feeling as though I must be the world's biggest failure.
One day, I turned on the car and a song began to play.
The artist was new, but the beat was fresh, and as heavy as my heart was at the time, I couldn't help but get caught up in the music.
Somewhere between the beat and the choir singing in the background, I began to really HEAR the lyrics...
"Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten."
And, from there, this song became my anthem.
"I break traditions. Sometimes my tries are outside the lines."
Hope sprung eternal from somewhere within me that I couldn't describe.
This girl that was singing GOT it.
She KNEW me.
"Staring at the blank page before you. Open up the dirty window. Let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find."
Her words would pull me through the next year like I can't even begin to describe without sounding like a raving lunatic.
I guess sometimes, to really GET it, we have to be so down, only someone who's been there can understand. And, we are truly touched when we feel like there is someone out there who DOES get it.
Over and over and over again during that time, when that voice inside tried to tell me I was a failure, I'd plug in this cd, and I'd realize I was just fine.
"No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in. No one else...No one else can speak the words on your lips."
The rest is still unwritten.
Jump forward to two nights ago...
Now, people, each year my company holds its annual event in Las Vegas, and although we really look forward to going, it's an anticipation mixed with a little dread.
At least on my part.
By the week before time to go, I am a flutter of excitement, my phone ringing non-stop, and me dialing others, just to say, "I get to SEE YOU next week!"
BUT, I am an insomniac, as you may or may not realize.
Las Vegas is two full hours behind my local time.
Knowing that my eyes automatically open at 3 a.m. at home, my eyes are opening at 1 a.m. in Las Vegas...
Add to that the stress of knowing that we start at 7 a.m., which in my company's time, means 6:45, and knowing that we go until 11 p.m. or 12 a.m. each night...
Means, yeah. Pam will get one hour of sleep each night while she's there.
My obsessive disorder that dictates I must NEVER be late for ANYTHING, when coupled with the stress of knowing my company demands I be 15 minutes early for EVERYTHING...
Well, THAT part's a neurotic nightmare, at best.
This year, as the date approached, two additional strikes were against me...
My son was hospitalized the day before I was scheduled to leave.
I had the worst cold known to man.
It's was a recipe for disaster.
But, as all of us who are fortunate enough to work for the company I call my employer, I arose in time to make my Tuesday morning flight, and as ever, by the time the plane touched down, I was ready and on go!
I was there, and I'd make the best of it.
My company was there to help me make the best of it.
When I tell you people that I truly love my job and what I do, I am not stretching the truth even a little.
In a world where most people hate to get up and go to work and hate the people they are working with...
I wake up each morning ready to do my job and loving the beautiful people that surround me that are there to help me do it.
For someone who works from either a computer at home, or behind the wheel of a car, I have more camaraderie that most who go to a building full of people every morning.
Each day, I talk to my co-workers within my state and across the country, and because we all understand the work each of us must put into our jobs, we support one another...
We get one another by.
We are all very fortunate that the ones who are charged with managing us understood, even years ago as the company was forming, that we would NEED that companionship with one another and did all they could do to ensure we had it.
And, have it, we do.
The culmination of the week's events happens the night before we leave Vegas.
This is the night the awards are given to the top performers, and we, as employees, are treated like royalty...
Even little, tiny me, who did vow to do better next year.
This year, after the dinner, the stage went dark and an undefined voice announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Natasha Bedingfield."
I. lost. my. mind.
The one who got me through was here?
Are you KIDDING me?
But they weren't. She appeared on the stage, and I was in awe.
And, once again, her words, mixed with the classes I had taken over the last two days and the messages of encouragement and belief from upper management began to, once again, speak to me.
And, they speak to me even now.
Yes. I am back from Vegas.
Still sick, but strategizing...
Ready to get back to work.
Because once again, those words spoke to me.
Today is where my book begins.
The rest is still unwritten.