Tuesday, February 9, 2010

You Don't Know What Love Is...

"You don't know what love is."

I've made this statement over and over and over again the past few months to my son.

And, I'm right.

He doesn't know what love is.

He doesn't even have a clue.

At the tender age of 17, I thought I owned the world.

He doesn't realize it, but I've BEEN his female version.

His dad has BEEN him.

The boy says, "You don't know."

Oh, honey, I know.

How very well I know.

Your dad knows.

All too well, he knows.

Too young to know different, and too stubborn to listen to the voice of opposition, his dad and I began our journey.

I can't say it's one I'd take back, because if I did, I'd lose so much of what makes me "me".

I can tell you; however, that now that I'm older...

Had I have STAYED the course...

The life I love now...

Is one I'd never missed...

If I never knew different.

Oh, you don't know what love is.

You don't know.

I know you want to THINK you know...

And, I try to tip-toe around your heart, which lies on your sleeve, but son...

I get really tired of it.

I KNOW the road ahead of you.

You'll just have to forgive me if I don't like it...

I was too stupid to realize I didn't like it when I was on it.

It took me years upon years to realize I didn't like that road...

And, I destroyed your sister's life...

I destroyed YOUR life...

I destroyed your dad's life...

I destroyed my life...

At that realization.

Oh, son, you don't know.

You think you know.

And, in all honesty, with the amount of love you are capable of feeling, sweet boy, maybe you DO know.

Trust Mama.

What you are capable of is not enough.

Life takes more than that.

My baby boy, you don't know.


  1. These boys... if I survive the next few years with my heart intact I will call it a miracle.

  2. Oh, sis. Quite possibly, I'm facing my biggest challenge ever.

  3. I missed out on a whole lot through my twenties. Love was one of the biggest things. I didn't even realize I had never been in love until I fell in love for the first time. Even then, I didn't realize I was in love until he was gone and I couldn't get him out of my head... for two years. He's still there way back in a corner; every now and again he pops to the surface. I look back and recall feelings and things I did that I never felt for my husband. How does something like that happen? I'll tell you how: I was too young and had not let myself learn the ways of the world. It's ruined my life. I'm just now, at 36 living how I should have lived 15 years ago. Don't let that boy get caught in the trap!

  4. I'm doing everything in my power...And, praying a lot...And, keeping my fingers crossed.