Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Who Are You?



Who are you?

The question seems innocent enough...

Although it's difficult to pack 25 years of life into one explanation.

Wanna know who I am?

I am a 43 year-old woman who, in her head, is still 18...

It is only when I look in the mirror that I realize I no longer am.

I am...

A mother.

A sister.

A daughter.

A friend.

An employee.

I am as confused today as I was in 1984, and yet, I realize 1984 no longer matters.

I have loved.

I have lost.

I have been up.

I have been down.

I have cried.

I have laughed.

I've been the victor.

I've been the loser.

I am...

Happy with who I am today.

In fact, most days, I believe if I were a total stranger to me that...

I'd LIKE me.

I'd RESPECT me.

I'd want to BE like me.

Who am I?

I am the mother of Kelsie, a 22 year-old young lady that has the power to amaze me with her strength.

I am the mother of Camron, a 17 year-old boy that has the power to overtake my heart with his smile.

I am the ex wife of C...

The father of my children...

Whom, I just "outgrew".

I am also the ex wife of D...

Who made me the bitter little bitch everyone knows.

I am the daughter of Mary.

I am the daughter of Joe...

Who continue to mold me into the adult I want to be, although statistics say I should be "raised" by now.

I am the sister of Paul, Susie, Judy, Jan and Beverly.

And, we may not like each other most days, but you had probably ought to.

I am an employee of a website...

Most of my work is done behind either a computer, or a steering wheel...

And, I love it.

I am a writer.

I have found that through words, I am able to articulate many thoughts far too deep for my superficial facade to convey.

I am the most loyal person you will ever know.

I am the most blatantly honest person you will ever know.

Even if it means your feelings get hurt.

Which amazes even me, because, let me assure you, if I know I've hurt someone, it drives me BANANAS!!!

Although, anyone who knows me will tell you that I am the QUEEN of justification.

Sometimes I drink too much, but then again...

Sometimes I think to much.

My best friends are named Cherie, Merideth, Nadja and Leslie...

I call them "My Girls".

There is an "internet" side to me that I never expected, in all my lifetime, I'd develop...

My best friends in THAT world are Diana, Lyndsey, Kim and Cami...

Although because of Facebook, that number continues to grow...

And, actually, there is NO differential between the two...

Both groups know of the others' existence and are honorary members.

I lost one of my closest friends to suicide over the summer, and I continue to struggle with that loss.

I want to define a relationship with a certain "someone"...

Thank GOD he knows I'm struggling, so we put the "definition" on the back burner.

So, my friend, at the end of the day, I am just...

One. hot. mess.

Not really much different that the girl you knew way back when.

Now, tell me...

Who are you?


Bookmark and Share

18 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am soooo glad to have you back. Seriously. I've thought of you a million times and wondered how you are.

    I am so glad you are happy and that life is great for you!

    I'll get there...One day!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I summarized "Me" in a note to you on FB.
    I didnt share the finer details as you did. We do share a few of these.
    To a fault I also am:
    "I am the most loyal person you will ever know.

    I am the most blatantly honest person you will ever know.

    Even if it means your feelings get hurt."

    ReplyDelete
  4. you are a writer.
    and you are amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Todd, I answer you, but damned if I can find it! Look one comment up!

    Free...

    You are wrong. YOU are amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  6. why do i suddenly feel like alice?
    best i know is that i am conscious.. i think.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Are you stepping through the looking glass?

    <3 you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. you are loved. and by me. in case that wasn't clear.

    you are found. through mutual loss.

    you are missed. when you're not around.

    you matter. to many.

    ReplyDelete
  9. As you you.

    You are truly an angel.

    I love you.

    I hope you know that.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I MEANT, "As ARE you"

    I made a mistake
    I trust only in haiku
    So you really know

    ReplyDelete
  11. A most accurate description of Pam Lee.

    Me? Yossarian.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Shit. I gotta Google that. You KNEW I'd have to Google. You suck.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I only ever heard that name on "Meerkat Manor", which, by the way, I love.

    Yousarian was the devoted partner of Flower, who was the leader of "The Whiskers".

    Flower died due to defending her young from an attack by a snake.

    Yousarian, last I saw, was scouring the wilderness, trying to find where he belonged.

    I Googled.

    All references were of the meerkat.

    Oopsie.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I summarized who I am with the first post of my blog, if you are interested you can see it there. We are all messes, I leave out the hot part though. Glad to meet you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm late - too much going on.

    You, however, are beautiful and I love you.

    MUAH!

    ReplyDelete
  16. OOO I wanna do this.

    I needed a blog idea anyway.

    You are genius, ma'am.

    ReplyDelete