Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Who Are You?
Who are you?
The question seems innocent enough...
Although it's difficult to pack 25 years of life into one explanation.
Wanna know who I am?
I am a 43 year-old woman who, in her head, is still 18...
It is only when I look in the mirror that I realize I no longer am.
I am as confused today as I was in 1984, and yet, I realize 1984 no longer matters.
I have loved.
I have lost.
I have been up.
I have been down.
I have cried.
I have laughed.
I've been the victor.
I've been the loser.
Happy with who I am today.
In fact, most days, I believe if I were a total stranger to me that...
I'd LIKE me.
I'd RESPECT me.
I'd want to BE like me.
Who am I?
I am the mother of Kelsie, a 22 year-old young lady that has the power to amaze me with her strength.
I am the mother of Camron, a 17 year-old boy that has the power to overtake my heart with his smile.
I am the ex wife of C...
The father of my children...
Whom, I just "outgrew".
I am also the ex wife of D...
Who made me the bitter little bitch everyone knows.
I am the daughter of Mary.
I am the daughter of Joe...
Who continue to mold me into the adult I want to be, although statistics say I should be "raised" by now.
I am the sister of Paul, Susie, Judy, Jan and Beverly.
And, we may not like each other most days, but you had probably ought to.
I am an employee of a website...
Most of my work is done behind either a computer, or a steering wheel...
And, I love it.
I am a writer.
I have found that through words, I am able to articulate many thoughts far too deep for my superficial facade to convey.
I am the most loyal person you will ever know.
I am the most blatantly honest person you will ever know.
Even if it means your feelings get hurt.
Which amazes even me, because, let me assure you, if I know I've hurt someone, it drives me BANANAS!!!
Although, anyone who knows me will tell you that I am the QUEEN of justification.
Sometimes I drink too much, but then again...
Sometimes I think to much.
My best friends are named Cherie, Merideth, Nadja and Leslie...
I call them "My Girls".
There is an "internet" side to me that I never expected, in all my lifetime, I'd develop...
My best friends in THAT world are Diana, Lyndsey, Kim and Cami...
Although because of Facebook, that number continues to grow...
And, actually, there is NO differential between the two...
Both groups know of the others' existence and are honorary members.
I lost one of my closest friends to suicide over the summer, and I continue to struggle with that loss.
I want to define a relationship with a certain "someone"...
Thank GOD he knows I'm struggling, so we put the "definition" on the back burner.
So, my friend, at the end of the day, I am just...
One. hot. mess.
Not really much different that the girl you knew way back when.
Now, tell me...
Who are you?