I Miss You...

So, now I realize it's NOT just me...

YOU are sending those signs to everyone...

And old photo comment there...

A friend suggestion here...

It IS you...

You STILL can't put it behind you, can you?

It's ok, buddy.

We WANT you to remind us.

Two months later, and, my brother, people still love you...

They still look for you...

They still reach out for you.

They are no different than me, as much as I'd like to think I'm "special"...

I'm not.

You are with us all...

I love that.

You had your unique way of letting us know that you were giving away part of yourself that was "only for you"...

It was your gift.

It was your talent.

It was your heart.

It was your soul.

I don't believe I will ever see the day that I don't grieve you...

Miss you...

Wish you were here.

Life is just...less.

It's less happy...

It's less joyful...

It is just...less.

I really don't like the world without you in it.

Although, I know I must accept it.

So much has changed in the last two months...

I'm losing my dad.

I'm scared...

And, I know if you were here, you'd say something to soothe me in a way no one else could.

Seriously.

What am I going to do when he's gone?

You know why I'm so scared, right?

But, it's not all bad...

I've met some unbelievable people that I probably wouldn't have if you were here...

They would, more than likely, be familiar names I'd see from time to time.

My boy, you surrounded yourself with beautiful people!

So loving...

So kind...

So accepting...

That part of losing you has been beautiful.

I've seen the other side of you...

And, yanno?

It ain't so bad, buddy.

Have I made you proud?

I really hope I have.

I hope I have done everything as you would have wanted.

All I ever wanted was to do you proud.

Did you have any idea?

Did you know how important you were to me?

Honestly, buddy, don't worry if you didn't.

It wasn't until you were gone that I realized what a HUGE part of my life you were...

It wasn't until I had to start letting people know what was going on that I realized what an impression you had left in my world...

Starting with my children.

And, my mother.

And, my closest friends.

You were here, as if you lived and breathed right here in this tiny town...

You were here.

And, you left your mark.

My ENTIRE family discussed you at the dinner table the other night.

I didn't like it.

It made me uncomfortable...

But Mother remembered you...

And, she talked of your sweetness.

You touched her, buddy.

She LOVED you...

She thought you were "precious".

Hehehe...

Grandma thought you were precious.

I'd tease you about that if you were here...

And, you'd no doubt say, "That's because she doesn't know what I'm thinking about her daughter!"

What were you thinking when you thought of me?

I hope you remember you, me and Diana...

Laughing...

Crying...

Just, loving one another.

Because, brother, we LOVED you.

I wait on the day that it doesn't hurt.

That day won't come.

That day is merciless.

I wait on the day when I can speak of you and not feel the tears.

It hasn't gotten here yet.

It has no heart.

You, my friend, had a heart.

It beat within you strong as an ox.

For us all, buddy.

Your heart did beat for us all...

And, I miss you.

We all...

Miss you.