Fly Away from Here...

It was still dark, about 5:00 a.m., Eastern time, when my phone went off.

Back home, it was 4:00 a.m., and I was confused.

I stirred in the darkness, and said aloud, "Who is texting me at 4 in the morning?"

The answer was easy.

I looked at my phone and giggled to my partner, "It's Swiller."

"Why am I surprised?", he asked in half-disbelief.

"Mornin fucker." The text read.

I giggled, as I read it aloud.

"Mornin back, bigger fucker." I responded.

I laid in the bed with my phone to my chest, awaiting what would come next, and...

Nothing.

Eventually, I placed the phone back at the bedside, and the darkness of morning continued until daylight.

He never responded back.

Not odd...

Just, Swiller.

I had felt so badly about that weekend.

I had never told Swiller the ENTIRE truth...

About where I was...

Whom I was with...

At the end of the day, honestly, I just didn't wanna hear it.

The boy thought no man was good enough for me...

The boy thought every man had an ulterior motive...

He trusted NO MAN, when it came to me.

And, well, I took the path of least resistence...

I took the path of ambiguity...

He knew I was in Florida, and yet..

He did not know with whom I was with.

And, yeah, people, I LIKED it that way.

You've never dealt with Swiller, until you've dealt with Swiller thinking you're dealing with someone he does not agree with you dealing with...

So, mid-weekend vacation, my partner and I agree with this statement:

"You will never understand our relationship, so, forget it. I love the boy with my whole heart, and that is just the way it is."

Which is probably why he accepted a before-daylight text without a problem.

I never heard from my boy again that day...

Until I arrived home, late that night.

I remember his last statment to me, "Why are you still awake when it's almost time for you to get up?"

And, we laughed.

I went to sleep that night, never knowing that my life was changing...

The next day, he was quite obviously...missing.

Not too odd.

Maybe he was sleeping away his medication...

Maybe he had been up too late the night before.

On Tuesday, I looked for him...

He was nowhere he should have been.

I called his house.

No answer.

No big surprise.

He kept that phone unplugged.

So, I called his cell phone...

I got his voicemail.

I cannot even tell you what it said...

All I know is that he had disguised his voice in his most AWFULLY disguised voice.

I left him a voicemail...

"Oh my GOD! Your message sounds like the devil. Call me. I'm scared."

He did not call me that day...

I knew something was wrong.

I held onto hope.

I awoke at 2 a.m. the next morning...

DETERMINED I would find him...

He had other plans.

What I found was a message from his sister...

I knew what she had to say, but...

I did not want to hear it.

So, I ignored her for a bit, but there she was...

Her message begging to be heard, and eventually...

I had to give in.

And, at that precise second, life as I knew it...

Changed.

I know I'm a bleeding heart to some...

Just waiting for me to quit crying.

Trust me.

I've BEEN you watching ME...

And, I know what it's like to wait on someone that it seems time forgot.

And, to those people, I sincerely apologize...

I now know what you were feeling, and I am sorry for my unsympathetic manor.

No man, nor can time, dictate to you when...

It is time to stop hurting.

All I can tell you is that, I look at the date...

And, to me...

The calendar states it has been two full months since I heard from him.

And, I HATE that freaking calendar...

Making it more real than it needs to be.

I FREAKING HATE...

All measurements of time.

Because it just separates me from him...

A little more each day.

Because, you see, my boy is in the arms of the angel...

Far away from here...

And, my friends, as sad as I am for me...

I am glad for him.