I Drink Alone...

I drank a Bud Light this morning.

It wasn't out of longing...

It was because it was time to start the grill, and, well, honestly, I was out of anything else to drink until Louisiana law would allow me to purchase something better.

As the taste of the medium yellow liquid hit my lips, I immediately thought of you.

My mind went back to last year and that day we drank beer from morning til midnight.

I freaking hated beer, but with you, somehow, it just...fit.

And, I remembered.

I remembered all last summer...

Hurricanes...

Lazy Sundays....

Fishing...

Saturdays mowing my lawn...

I remembered it all.

And, I thought of you...

Of your smile;

Your laughter;

Your touch.

And, as much as I wanted to miss that, I couldn't.

Because, you see, with you, each joyful time was made up with something so dark, it was foreign to me.

And, one full year later, I am glad it is over.

You played me.

You played me well, even.

I trusted you.

You came to me disguised as my friend;

Someone I could depend upon...

Believe in...

Someone who would always be there.

But, you really weren't.

I rememeber when I first realized you weren't the person I thought you were..

I didn't want to believe, although, the evidence was right in front of me...

You LIED to me...

The one who thought she could not be lied to and not know it from the word go.

You made me believe in you...

In all you said you stood for...

And, I was but a puppet in your matinee...

Little more than a marionette, on a string, at your will.

Did you enjoy watching my arms and legs move at your discretion?

I hope so.

I hope it was worth something.

You ruined me.

I've spent so much time blaming others...

An ex husband...

An ex lover...

An ex friend...

And, in all honesty, the problem with me is: you.

For me to trust you so easily must mean there is issue with ME...

And, because I couldn't trust you...

I cannot trust me.

And, because of you...

I drink alone.