Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Angels on the Moon...

This song has haunted me for the last two weeks.

Each time I hear it, my mind goes back, and in true writer fashion, I can imagine what words I want to weave to its lyrics to express what I'm feeling inside when I hear it.

Today, I write it, but damned if I know what I'm going to say.

Four months tomorrow...

Four months.

I've had no contact with him for four months.

There was a time when four days seemed an eternity.

By the end of the second day, I would have been a wreck, doing everything I could to bait him into saying something...anything...

And, tomorrow, I could try every trick in the book, and I'd get...nothing.

Four months.

I never once, since the day I met him, thought I'd ever live a day without him.

Last week, we all wrote "Love" on our arms.

I wore that word with pride.

I wore it for him.

I'd write it on my arm every day of the week if it would mean I could talk to him...

Just one more time.

Four months.

What did HE believe?

He believed in his niece.

He believed in his sister.

He believed in his mother.

He believed in love.

He believed in friendship.

He believed in family.

He believed in God.

He believed in Heaven.

He believed in Hell.

He believed in two girls from opposite ends of the country...

One, he loved, without shame, and with his entire heart...

The other, he loved and vowed to protect forever and ever, just as a brother protects his sister.

Neither any less, but in different ways...

And, he made sure they knew one another...

Would care for one another...

Because, my friends, he also believed his life would be brief.

So much I owe to him...

So much I can never repay...

With him, I had the relationship I've never had with my own brother.

Somewhere to go and just scream, "THE WORLD SUCKS, AND I AM TIRED, AND I AM SCARED!"

Four months.

I don't know that my calendar will ever creep toward that number "19" that it doesn't hit me...

There will never be another him.


He was the one and only...

The original...

The beginning...

The end.

He was my friend...

My angel on the moon.

I love you.

I miss you.

Forever and always...

I love you.

I carry your torch.

I believe in you still...

As long as I live, and as long as there is breath in me...

You live on.

My Angel on the Moon.


  1. four months, and for me also, 20 years ago that my grandpa past, he was my best friend.
    this has been an ugly time, but I am so grateful to him that he showed me you.

  2. I think that's the worst part...the complete and horrible realization that they are really and truly gone. I'm sorry Pam. My heart is with you.


  3. I have to believe that he is at peace now, Pam, and I truly pray that you will also know that feeling someday.