Monday, October 19, 2009

That Lucky Old Sun...

Today was a day I greeted with semi-dread. I had to get Mother to the doctor first thing, make time for a 9:00 a.m. conference call and then, oh, yeah, make time to actually work.

More and more these days getting my mother to an appointment on time is like revisiting early mornings during my children's elementary school days.

"Hurry now and eat your breakfast. You're still not dressed and we have to leave in 15 minutes."

She completely ignored me.

"Mother, come on now, please. I've got to get you into the doctor's office so I can be on my call before nine."

She glanced my way begrudingly and finally acknowledged me, "I'm trying, but if I eat too fast I'll get sick."

"O.K. I've got an idea. How about if we get you dressed and you can take your toast and your juice in the car with us. Deal?"

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Alright."

As she got up to get dressed, she, of all things, began to sing with all the joy of a school girl getting ready for her first date...

"Up in the morning...out on the job...Work like the devil for my pay...But that lucky old sun...Has nothing to do...But roll around Heaven all day..."

As she sang the words, a pang of longing mixed with amusement overcame me and I remembered the date.

I giggled to myself as the thought of my boy rolling around Heaven went through my mind.

I like that thought.

In fact, I like it so much that even though I look at the date, I have managed to carry a little joy in my step all day.

He is rolling around in Heaven.

Probably rolling around in laughter at the pranks he pulled on me the last week.

Just a week ago I told a friend of mine, "I think he's moved on. I haven't felt him in a few weeks. I just don't think he's here anymore."

The very next day my phone, out of nowhere, lit up with all the power of a million Christmas trees and beeped. When I picked it up to see what happened, somehow all the text messages I had received from him those last couple weeks...

All those text messages I had painstakingly moved into a folder so they wouldn't accidentally be deleted...

Were all showing on my phone, as if they had been recalled, and yet, the phone was nowhere near me. It was nowhere near anyone.

Somewhere in the universe, I could imagine him laughing at me, reminding me that, although he may have chosen not to be as visible these past couple weeks, he is, indeed, here, and for me never to forget it...

When he's not busy rolling around Heaven all day, that is.

Like so many things since he left, I believe he gave my mother these words this morning because he knew they would give me peace.

I heard him speaking on one of his old radio shows yesterday morning, and it both surprised and actually delighted me when I was able to listen to his voice and remember his sense of humor, instead of concentrating on how much I hurt.

The last show was actually one where I had called in, and I must admit, it wasn't one of my finer moments.

The last thing I said to him before I hung up?

"I love you, punkin."

He used sweet Caroline to deliver that reminder. He knew I loved him. That thought yesterday gave me so much peace.

And, three months to the day that I last talked to him, at long last, I believe I am ready to heal.

He'll be here with me, every step of the way, I'm sure.

When he's not busy rolling around Heaven all day...

I love you, my friend.

Thank you for making my world a better place and allowing me the honor of calling you friend...

Knowing you has, without doubt, been one of the most wonderful things I have ever known.

There is a special place reserved inside my heart for only you, and each time I examine it, I am filled with the most pure feeling of love I have ever experienced.

You for me;

Me for you;

Without question.

Forever protecting.

Forever accepting.

Forever friends.

I adore you...

You Lucky Old Sun...


  1. the greatest measure of a human being is not the impact they have on us in their presence, but in their absence.

    <3 u

  2. This was beautiful.......... awwww you made my heart smile, and a tear trickle down my face, in happy sadness..... all good..... he was just that amazing!

    <3 Pam.


  3. I have shivers running up and down my arms. Especially over the "Winston" captcha - Ha!!!!!!!!! My next dog will be named Winston, i think.

    Wonderful blog Pam, and perfect song choice. I'm so glad you're remembering his sense of humour, he was so FUNNY! But then deep people usually are. I know the radio show you're talking about, He loved you so much. You could hear it in his voice the whole show.

  4. Pam... this post has me smiling, crying and so happy for you! Yes, he will always be with you... and he will NEVER let you forget, or think other wise!


  5. Love outlives us all.
    ~That Weather Girl