And...I Missed You...

Dude...

Maggie and I had some fun this morning.

Without giving it away, just let me tell you this much...

She gave a poor girl hell...

Because THAT girl was in the WRONG place...

At the RIGHT time.

Somewhere between the outrageous laughter and thinking I was sure to wet my pants, somewhere I had the thought...

"When was the last time you felt this free and had so much fun?"

And, without hesitation, I answered myself...

"July 19, 2009."

And, I missed you.

My beautiful friend, life has changed so much for me since then.

So many times I've needed YOUR voice...

And, found silence.

And, I missed you.

I think you've moved forward in your journey.

I know I don't feel you around me anymore...

Which leaves so very lonely.

And, I miss you.

You're not in my air anymore.

You are; however, in my heart.

Just sometimes, I want you in my air.

And, I miss you.

You wouldn't even recognize the life I'm living right now.

And, dude, honestly, it's almost better for you this way.

You'd be an absolute wreck right now worrying.

But, the fact that I can't call you up and TELL you not to worry...

That I am fine...

Breaks my heart.

And, I miss you.

Sometimes, I wonder why it was that you decided that I would stay...

And, you would go.

Even though I know that answer.

Knowing what I know, it still doesn't help.

And, I miss you.

This hole in my heart, without doubt, I now realize will never fill.

It gets easier, but it's still there, and sometimes...

I'm back to where I was at 3 a.m. that morning.

And, I miss you.

You are never to be forgotten...

You are to always be loved...

You are to always be remembered...

Even though...

I miss you.

And, I always will.

I love you, my friend...

Today...

Yesterday...

Tomorrow...

Forever...

I will miss you.

Snow......(Hey, Oh!)

It all started innocently enough.

My friend and I were joking about her trip to the movies, and I mentioned she needed to get a box of Snowcaps...

Because I like them.

In a rush, it all came back to me like it happened yesterday...

So, a few years ago...

Pre-husband number two...

When I dated this guy that WAS the total package...

He was tall (And, I mean TALL, people!)...

He was handsome...

He was kind...

He was totally in tune to me.

Or what he thought was me, but I digress...

One weekend, I was at his house and we went to rent movies...

I saw Snowcaps.

And, people, I saw that dark chocolate candy with its little white candy sprinkles, and I, literally, turned into a kid in a candy shop...

"C! We have to buy Snowcaps!" I shouted without shame.

"Ok," he responded, without batting an eye...

And, there is where his demise began.

Seriously.

He shouldn't have paid so close attention...

Which, in hind site, makes no sense, when I think about how my heart swelled the night Husband Number 2 walked up to me at the ballpark and retold the story of how he had walked to every concession stand asking for a Three Musketeers Bar, just for me, and how none of them had it...

Which led me to my thought process I'm typing out right now...

Sometimes, it just doesn't matter, men.

No matter how many boxes of Snowcaps you have...

It just doesn't matter.

Sometimes, we like the guy that has no Snowcaps at all...

And, it doesn't even matter.

We may love him, absent the dark chocolate treat.

Don't try too hard, guys...

A man trying too hard is a complete turn off..

When you're trying to "earn" us.

Now, once you "have" us...

Each and EVERY attempt will be noted into the memory bank. (See Three Musketeers memory noted above!)

A man trying too hard, to me, indicates weakness.

I don't like weakness.

I don't allow it in myself.

I certainly wouldn't allow it in you...

Even though, as a human being, I KNOW we all have weakness.

Don't expose yours so soon...

It's a deal breaker.

Which leads me to this afternoon...

I passed my "friend's" house and noticed a for sale sign.

Now, people, we've maintained a "no explanation needed" relationship for five years now...

But, the thought of his moving without my knowledge...

Offended me.

To the point that, out of character, I dialed his number...

"So, I took a wrong turn and circled by your house today and saw a realtor sign. You're moving?"

And, he explained to me that it's not him. It's his neighbor. And, we joked about the notes he should post to his front door about perspective buyers...

And, the call ended with empty promises of follow up calls...

Which each of us know will never happen.

This guy has no Snowcaps.

Not one.

For whatever reason, it works for me.

Maybe because I don't invest in his Snowcaps.

I don't know.

So, there's this guy...

And, I think he just may have a few boxes of Snowcaps...

Not sure how to figure it out, but I'm pretty sure...

I can find out.

I think I may like his Snowcaps.

Only time will tell...