Glitter in the Air...

I dialed his phone just now.

It's always a coin toss...

He may answer...

He may not.

It's a ritual we're both accustomed to.

Somehow, we're both tuned in to when the other REQUIRES an answer.

As the phone continued, unanswered, I thought this time may be a time he wouldn't answer...

And, no big, really.

I knew he'd call me back when he realized I'd called.

Amazingly, his "What're ya' doin'?" resounded in my ear, rather than his voice mail.

"That's not the question," I responded. "I called to see what you're doin'. Ya' workin' later?"

"You know it."

"What time are you done tonight?"

"11."

"You patrolin' later?"

"Nope. I'm done at 11."

"Good. I'm takin' you to brunch tomorrow, since you're the closest thing I have to a valentine, ok?"

"Yep. I'm in."

"Nice. Call me when you wake up."

"I will."

"Ok. Be careful. See you in the mornin'."

"See you tomorrow."

And, just like that, the conversation was over...

Sometimes, I'm so grateful he and I were brought together.

It is so beautiful to have a person of the opposite sex to just call on...

Who, without question, will always be there...

No matter what.

Then, there are times, like tonight...

I wonder if we aren't the other's biggest disservice of a lifetime.

Each being the emotional foot-hold of the other...

Until none other is needed.

I admit it: I don't move forward too much, because I don't have to.

I've got a rock-solid man in my life who will step in and right all my wrongs...

Move my furniture...

Hook up my appliances...

Listen to me cry.

Just last week I called him...

Sobbing through the phone, I told him what was going on, and I will never forget the way he answered me.

Ever.

Two marriages; countless "boyfriends"; friends; whatever...

And, he made a statement to me that NONE of them has ever said...

"We knew this was going to happen."

And, in that conversation, I realized what friendship is.

He never said, "you"...

He said "we"...

And, for the first time in my lifetime, I realized I wasn't alone.

He's with me.

Always.

Sometimes, I'm tempted at the thought of just "resting" there...

Sometimes, I think he's tempted at the thought of just "resting" with me.

It would be a peaceful rest, too, I do believe.

Sometimes, I allow myself to wonder what would happen if we moved forward...

He knows me.

He knows the good...

He knows the bad...

He knows the ugly...

And, he's still here.

No, I love him.

But, I'm not in love with him...

He loves me.

But, he's not in love with me...

There's a difference.

A few months ago, he and I went on a "real" date...

Complete with he and I both knowing we'd be together for the night...

And, when it came down to it...

Neither of us could do it.

We came straight home, neither of us acknowledging what had just NOT happened.

Oh, friends, yes, I LOVE him.

I'm just not in love with him.

And, I wish I could be...

Almost as much as I wish I could find his perfect match...

He is so beautiful.

He needs someone equally special.

I can't seem to find someone that I think is "deserving" of him.

But, I never quit looking.

She's out there, and I'll find her...

One day.

Just not today...

Or yesterday.

Or tomorrow.

Today, I'll just throw a fistful of glitter in the air...

For tonight.